My first Father's Day - a day to remember

Greetings from the other side.

Yesterday I got to celebrate my first ever father's day. Coincidentally, it was also my father-in-law's 50th father's day. I figured out that when, or perhaps "if", I get to celebrate my 50th father's day, I will be close to 90 years old when that day comes. I have had my first child later than he had his though.

To celebrate your first father's day is surely something very special, and something you will always remember. However, yesterday will stay in my memory not just because of what day it was, but also because of how it turned out.

The day started with me waking up to the lovely, and very excited, sounds from my wife in the living room as she was talking to the baby. It turns out that our little, soon to be 4 months old, girl had managed to roll over on to her stomach, on her own, for the very first time. What better father's day gift can a dad really get? :) So the day started off really well, with everyone in a happy mood.

At lunch-time we went over to my in-laws, where we met up with my wife's brother and his family, for father's day lunch. Everyone was in a merry mood, and my daughter was lying on the floor in her babygym (it has a built in mat for her to lie on), making happy sounds and talking away at the things dangling above her head. Not long after lunch was done, it was time for her to take an afternoon nap. Everything went well, and she soon fell asleep.

Fast forward not even an hour and she wakes up screaming and inconsolable. For the next 1-2 hours (my conception of time during this is a bit blurry) she screamed and acted like her stomach was aching. I should also point out that she hadn't, at this point, had a poop for about a week. I have heard that this is normal for babies, but before this time she had generally pooped every day, so this was completely new to us. Anyway, my wife - who is suffering from postpartum depression, anxiety, etc (more information about that in this post) - was incredibly distraught by the whole thing, but she did her best to keep herself together for our daughter's sake. Luckily there were others there to help as well, including her mother and sister, both of whom we owe a great debt of gratitude for being there for us yesterday. After a while, when nothing we did seemed to help, my wife called the hospital, and they told us that if it didn't get better we should come in and they'll take a look at her. Not long after, we were in a scramble to get the car ready, baby dressed and into the car, etc. Then we raced off to the hospital. My wife's sister came along, which was a good comfort for my wife.

Luckily, while we were in the car, the little one stopped screaming and seemed fairly content. This continued while we were at the hospital, and she hasn't started screaming like that again since either. At the hospital they weren't really able to find any issues with her, nor any cause of why she had been screaming her lungs out like she was. They told us that it is normal for babies to go 2 weeks without pooping as well. We swung by the pharmacy on the way back home and picked up something for the baby, in case she ever has stomach issues again.

Seeing your baby cry like that really cuts like a knife in your heart, and it was especially difficult for my wife given how she is feeling. She did good though, and I am very proud of her for keeping it together as she did despite all the stress it caused her. For my wife and I, as I imagine it would be for any parent, it was very difficult to hear our child scream like that, and feeling helpless to do anything about it when nothing seems to work. It just tears at something deep inside you.

Coming home from the hospital, it was a mixed sense of relief that it seemed to be over, and a fear that it would happen again. Luckily it hasn't. She seems to be doing ok now, which is a huge relief for us. My wife and I are left a bit shaken, but happy that she is ok.

See you all on the other side!

The ups and downs of life with a baby

Greetings from the other side.

Time passes very quickly these days. When our daughter was first born, and for the first few days thereafter, it seemed like every day was a week long and I lost track of time more times than I care to count. After that, however, time appears to have sped up again. Now it is just flying by, almost to the point where you can sort of say - if comparing to how it felt when she had first arrived - that every week is about a day long. That is a bit of an exaggeration, of course, but it does point to the fact that time seems to go by so quickly now. She is already 3-months-and-a-bit old, yet I have no idea where that time went!

She is healthy, and growing, which warms my fatherly heart to see. When she first arrived, she lost weight for a while, and we had to stay at the hospital where she was born a few days extra until they saw that she was putting on weight again. She is the first child for both my wife and for myself. While my wife had done the smart thing and read up on a lot of stuff beforehand - though in retrospect, all babies are different, and so not all that information has been as useful as we would have liked all the time - I never really did that. Then suddenly one day I had a newborn baby to take care of. Luckily the people at the hospital were very kind to show me the ropes on how to change diapers, etc.

As I have written about before, my wife had a difficult birthing experience, and she lost a lot of blood and had to be taken to surgery for stitches. She got to hold our daughter for a little while after she was born, but after that we didn't see her again for roughly 6 hours. Something which was very traumatic for her. After giving birth she has also suffered from postpartum depression, which, coupled with her past history of twice suffering from stress-related burnouts (utmattningssyndrom in Swedish), which she is also having symptoms of again, and being a highly sensitive person (HSP) has meant that she has not been able to enjoy motherhood as much as she would like.

At this point, I will point out that my wife has given me her full blessing to write about this, as she herself isn't trying to keep it a secret and has been very open about it.

I should also point out that she does love the baby and has bonded with her well, and she does do her best to look after her. She harbors fears that she isn't a good mother, or won't be able to take care of her daughter like she wants to if she falls deeper into the depression and exhaustion. Which, of course, is a vicious circle. She doesn't have the energy levels she should have, nor the resilience to sounds when the baby screams - which makes her stress-levels shoot through the roof. She has better days, and worse days, of course, regarding her energy levels and her depression issues. She always does her best though, and I am always doing my best to help as much as I can.

As a husband, it hurts seeing the woman you love go through these issues. You want to help, but you also know that there isn't much you can do other than to try to alleviate the stress by helping out as much as you can, and being there for her. I, myself, suffered from depression and anxiety issues for 13 years before crawling my way out of that particular issue, so I know a bit about what she is going through, even though I think each experience is unique in some ways. I wish she could get more help with her problems. It took a little over 2 months after our baby girl was born before she got to see a psychologist. She has another meeting with the psychologist planned. Though I admit she doesn't feel that it gives her much help, and she would prefer to get help in the form of cognitive therapy.

Luckily, our daughter has been good about sleeping at night - only waking up a couple of times and then sleeping 3-5 hours in-between waking up. This is especially good since my wife is a very light sleeper, and usually takes a long time falling asleep.

We've been blessed, and fortunate, to have her parents living close to us. They've been really good at helping out, which has been a real help for us. It has helped my alleviate some of the stress and burden from my wife, which has been invaluable. We can not thank them enough for all they do, even if it is just allowing our daughter to sleep in her stroller/pram at their house so my wife can rest for a bit.

Yesterday, we got our first snow of the winter here. There is now a thin blanket of snow on the ground - at least in large patches, as some of it has melted away already.

I am, as I said, doing my best to support my wife and take care of the baby, while also looking for a new job. Though part of me thinks that it might be a blessing in disguise that I haven't found a new job yet as it has allowed me to be home and help my wife now that she is going through these things. To be honest there is no place I would rather be at this point in time. I get to support my wife when she needs me the most, and I get to spend time with my daughter on a daily basis, and watch her grow and learn new things.

I think that will be enough from me for now. I hope you are all doing well out there, and remember to take care of each other! :)

See you all on the other side!

Welcome, little one.

Greetings from the other side.

It has taken me a bit longer than planned to write this new post for the blog. The reason for this is the birth of my daughter, which has meant that all plans I might have had previously has taken a back-seat to changing diapers and helping my wife in any way I can. I must say I am really enjoying my new responsibilities. :) It is amazing how much love you can feel for someone you have only just met. I just feel like I want to everything in my power to make her feel happy and loved.

Becoming a father is the biggest, and greatest, thing that has ever happened to me. Period. She has only been with us a short while, yet I can't imagine my life without her now. I guess you never fully understand a parent's love for their children until you have children of your own.

Her life didn't start out quite as we had anticipated. Her mom lost a lot of blood during labor, and had to be taken off to surgery to be stitched and get new blood. From what we were told, she lost about 1,7 liters of blood in total. While she was away with that, I spent time with the newborn. Unfortunately for her, and her parents, they were a bit worried about her as well, so she had to undergo a lot of tests to make sure she was ok. Luckily, everything has been given a green light. :) We had to stay there in hospital a few day extra though, just to be on the safe side, and to allow my wife to recuperate.

The heat has been a bit of a problem for us. The first night back home, we had 28 degrees Celsius in the bedroom. We have had to move in with my wife's parents, while the heat-wave remains as it is cooler in their house than in ours. The heat is really getting to my wife some times though. Which is understandable. It is affecting us all. We're doing our best to make sure the baby is ok as well. Luckily, we've had a couple of days of cooler temperatures as well - which have been welcome. The wind has picked up a little as well, which has helped.

Sofie's parents have been really helpful and kind to take us in like this, and they are such good support to us as we start our new journey as first-time parents. It's a shame that my own parents live so far away, but hopefully they will be able to come see their first grandchild soon.

That is a difference between my wife's parents and my own. For my parents, this is their first grandchild, while for my wife's parents it is their sixth. My wife is 16 and 13 years younger than her siblings, and both of them were also younger than my wife is now when they started having kids, so hence the difference there, and I am the oldest of my parent's two children (I have a younger brother). To put it further into perspective, earlier this summer my wife's niece got married.

So far, she has had days when she's done almost nothing but eating. Such as, for example, yesterday, when she only took short naps between feeding times all day. Today, on the other hand, she's sleeping. They did tell us it would take a few weeks for her to find her rhythm though.

I am going to try and update the blog with new posts when I can. Though how often will depend a bit on the baby, obviously.

See you all on the other side!

Long time, no see - from a dad-to-be.

Greetings from the other side.

It's the height of summer, the warmth is melting everything away, especially my pregnant wife. A bit of rain wouldn't hurt, and perhaps a cooler day or two, in this heat-wave we are currently experiencing. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a warm, sunny, day as much as the next person. But at least for my wife's, and the trees and plants around, a bit of cooling rain would be nice.

Oh well, we'll take it as it comes. One day at a time. Which, incidentally, is how we are dealing with the pregnancy as well.  We are now one week into that magical 4-week period, centered around the expected delivery date, during which the baby can arrive any day really. For both of us, this is our first child, and it's both nervous and exciting all at the same time! :) I will admit though, that it is mostly exciting. We both can't wait for this new member of our family to arrive!

Becoming a dad for the first time in my life, is a somewhat surreal experience. I have never met this new little person that will soon come into my life, yet I have known for a very long time that I love it dearly. To feel such love for, and connection to, someone you have never met before, feels a bit strange. At the same time, it is also a source of worrying. Thoughts such as "will I be a good dad", "have we forgotten anything ahead of the birth", and even things like "how do I change a diaper again??" some times races through my head. Now, to some of you, that last bit might make you smile a little, but the cold, hard, truth is that I have never changed a diaper on a baby before. I've never had to. I am sure it is very easy, and that all will go smoothly, but if you haven't done something before, it might make you a bit nervous until you have tried. As an added note, I should probably say that it is not like it is keeping me awake at night, or anything like that. None of the above things are. Though it can pop into my head on occasion.

In the end, all I can hope for is that we have prepared enough, and wait for the baby to arrive. I know they say that you can never fully prepare for what's to come - the sleepless nights, the stress, etc - but as long as we have everything we need for the baby's arrival, we'll deal with everything else as it comes.

I am hoping I can start writing more regularly in the blog again now. It felt good to sit down to write on it again, so here's hoping I can keep it up! :)

So until we meet again my friends.

See you all on the other side!