My first Father's Day - a day to remember

Greetings from the other side.

Yesterday I got to celebrate my first ever father's day. Coincidentally, it was also my father-in-law's 50th father's day. I figured out that when, or perhaps "if", I get to celebrate my 50th father's day, I will be close to 90 years old when that day comes. I have had my first child later than he had his though.

To celebrate your first father's day is surely something very special, and something you will always remember. However, yesterday will stay in my memory not just because of what day it was, but also because of how it turned out.

The day started with me waking up to the lovely, and very excited, sounds from my wife in the living room as she was talking to the baby. It turns out that our little, soon to be 4 months old, girl had managed to roll over on to her stomach, on her own, for the very first time. What better father's day gift can a dad really get? :) So the day started off really well, with everyone in a happy mood.

At lunch-time we went over to my in-laws, where we met up with my wife's brother and his family, for father's day lunch. Everyone was in a merry mood, and my daughter was lying on the floor in her babygym (it has a built in mat for her to lie on), making happy sounds and talking away at the things dangling above her head. Not long after lunch was done, it was time for her to take an afternoon nap. Everything went well, and she soon fell asleep.

Fast forward not even an hour and she wakes up screaming and inconsolable. For the next 1-2 hours (my conception of time during this is a bit blurry) she screamed and acted like her stomach was aching. I should also point out that she hadn't, at this point, had a poop for about a week. I have heard that this is normal for babies, but before this time she had generally pooped every day, so this was completely new to us. Anyway, my wife - who is suffering from postpartum depression, anxiety, etc (more information about that in this post) - was incredibly distraught by the whole thing, but she did her best to keep herself together for our daughter's sake. Luckily there were others there to help as well, including her mother and sister, both of whom we owe a great debt of gratitude for being there for us yesterday. After a while, when nothing we did seemed to help, my wife called the hospital, and they told us that if it didn't get better we should come in and they'll take a look at her. Not long after, we were in a scramble to get the car ready, baby dressed and into the car, etc. Then we raced off to the hospital. My wife's sister came along, which was a good comfort for my wife.

Luckily, while we were in the car, the little one stopped screaming and seemed fairly content. This continued while we were at the hospital, and she hasn't started screaming like that again since either. At the hospital they weren't really able to find any issues with her, nor any cause of why she had been screaming her lungs out like she was. They told us that it is normal for babies to go 2 weeks without pooping as well. We swung by the pharmacy on the way back home and picked up something for the baby, in case she ever has stomach issues again.

Seeing your baby cry like that really cuts like a knife in your heart, and it was especially difficult for my wife given how she is feeling. She did good though, and I am very proud of her for keeping it together as she did despite all the stress it caused her. For my wife and I, as I imagine it would be for any parent, it was very difficult to hear our child scream like that, and feeling helpless to do anything about it when nothing seems to work. It just tears at something deep inside you.

Coming home from the hospital, it was a mixed sense of relief that it seemed to be over, and a fear that it would happen again. Luckily it hasn't. She seems to be doing ok now, which is a huge relief for us. My wife and I are left a bit shaken, but happy that she is ok.

See you all on the other side!

The ups and downs of life with a baby

Greetings from the other side.

Time passes very quickly these days. When our daughter was first born, and for the first few days thereafter, it seemed like every day was a week long and I lost track of time more times than I care to count. After that, however, time appears to have sped up again. Now it is just flying by, almost to the point where you can sort of say - if comparing to how it felt when she had first arrived - that every week is about a day long. That is a bit of an exaggeration, of course, but it does point to the fact that time seems to go by so quickly now. She is already 3-months-and-a-bit old, yet I have no idea where that time went!

She is healthy, and growing, which warms my fatherly heart to see. When she first arrived, she lost weight for a while, and we had to stay at the hospital where she was born a few days extra until they saw that she was putting on weight again. She is the first child for both my wife and for myself. While my wife had done the smart thing and read up on a lot of stuff beforehand - though in retrospect, all babies are different, and so not all that information has been as useful as we would have liked all the time - I never really did that. Then suddenly one day I had a newborn baby to take care of. Luckily the people at the hospital were very kind to show me the ropes on how to change diapers, etc.

As I have written about before, my wife had a difficult birthing experience, and she lost a lot of blood and had to be taken to surgery for stitches. She got to hold our daughter for a little while after she was born, but after that we didn't see her again for roughly 6 hours. Something which was very traumatic for her. After giving birth she has also suffered from postpartum depression, which, coupled with her past history of twice suffering from stress-related burnouts (utmattningssyndrom in Swedish), which she is also having symptoms of again, and being a highly sensitive person (HSP) has meant that she has not been able to enjoy motherhood as much as she would like.

At this point, I will point out that my wife has given me her full blessing to write about this, as she herself isn't trying to keep it a secret and has been very open about it.

I should also point out that she does love the baby and has bonded with her well, and she does do her best to look after her. She harbors fears that she isn't a good mother, or won't be able to take care of her daughter like she wants to if she falls deeper into the depression and exhaustion. Which, of course, is a vicious circle. She doesn't have the energy levels she should have, nor the resilience to sounds when the baby screams - which makes her stress-levels shoot through the roof. She has better days, and worse days, of course, regarding her energy levels and her depression issues. She always does her best though, and I am always doing my best to help as much as I can.

As a husband, it hurts seeing the woman you love go through these issues. You want to help, but you also know that there isn't much you can do other than to try to alleviate the stress by helping out as much as you can, and being there for her. I, myself, suffered from depression and anxiety issues for 13 years before crawling my way out of that particular issue, so I know a bit about what she is going through, even though I think each experience is unique in some ways. I wish she could get more help with her problems. It took a little over 2 months after our baby girl was born before she got to see a psychologist. She has another meeting with the psychologist planned. Though I admit she doesn't feel that it gives her much help, and she would prefer to get help in the form of cognitive therapy.

Luckily, our daughter has been good about sleeping at night - only waking up a couple of times and then sleeping 3-5 hours in-between waking up. This is especially good since my wife is a very light sleeper, and usually takes a long time falling asleep.

We've been blessed, and fortunate, to have her parents living close to us. They've been really good at helping out, which has been a real help for us. It has helped my alleviate some of the stress and burden from my wife, which has been invaluable. We can not thank them enough for all they do, even if it is just allowing our daughter to sleep in her stroller/pram at their house so my wife can rest for a bit.

Yesterday, we got our first snow of the winter here. There is now a thin blanket of snow on the ground - at least in large patches, as some of it has melted away already.

I am, as I said, doing my best to support my wife and take care of the baby, while also looking for a new job. Though part of me thinks that it might be a blessing in disguise that I haven't found a new job yet as it has allowed me to be home and help my wife now that she is going through these things. To be honest there is no place I would rather be at this point in time. I get to support my wife when she needs me the most, and I get to spend time with my daughter on a daily basis, and watch her grow and learn new things.

I think that will be enough from me for now. I hope you are all doing well out there, and remember to take care of each other! :)

See you all on the other side!

A morning bird story & a bit on stress and relaxation

Greetings from the other side.

The day started quite interestingly, as my girlfriend opened up one of our closets and a small bird flew out. Poor little thing was so panicked. We managed to confine it to one room, and then I went in and opened the window so it could get out. It must have been a terrifying experience for the little bird, feeling trapped and not really knowing what was going on or who us giants were. We have found where we think it got in, and we are now taking measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.

One aspect of living in the country side that I find very relaxing is looking through a window and watching all the small birds fly and jump around outside. You feel a lot closer to nature and the natural world out here, than I ever did while I was living in a city. Though Umeå as a city did have quite a lot of forested areas within the city as well. It still wasn't the same as this though. That's not to say I didn't enjoy living there either. It was a nice city to live in, and I highly recommend people to go there if they haven't been there already. It's also a good place to study if you are a student. Though I should probably stop talking about this before I start sounding like an advertisement. Just saying it how I feel having lived there for many years. :)

Now onto the subject of stress and the importance of relaxation.

Stress is such a negative thing for us humans, at least in too high quantities it is. A bit of stress is fine, for the most part. Excessive amounts of stress however is part of the issue with today's society. And different people have different thresholds for how much stress they can handle. People get burned out, stressed out, suffer from depression and anxiety because of stress and the weight of expectation. I know this because I have been there myself in the past. As have my girlfriend, and many others. Therefore I think it so important to find those peaceful moments in life, enjoy them and cherish them. Being able to just relax for a moment is so incredibly important. Some people have a day a week, for example Sunday, that is devoted to rest. No, I am not talking specifically about Christians here, as that doesn't hold true for all Christians. It is more the idea I am talking about. Having a day devoted to rest, relaxation and re-charging of your inner batteries can be so incredibly important. I'm not saying you should stay in bed all day or just lay around on the couch watching movies. What I mean is that it should be a day where you do things that you enjoy, that aren't stressful to you or weighted down by a bunch of "musts" or "have to"s. Living in the modern society can be very stressful to a lot of people. There are a lot of expectations, work, etc. So having a day when you can just relax can be incredibly important.

I am not saying that letting yourself rest one day a week will keep you from burning out. All I am saying is that it can't hurt to focus on yourself and the things that make you happy and relaxed once in a while, rather than the things that you "should" or "must" do. I think that is good for your soul.

See you all on the other side!

A different pace

Greetings from the other side.

Life moves at a different pace here in the countryside. It's a nice, relaxing atmosphere, and I quite like it. That isn't me saying people here are lazy or anything like that. Quite the contrary actually. People in the countryside here tend to be at least as hardworking as anywhere else, but there is still a calm atmosphere. I think everyone needs a bit of calm in their life from time to time. Sure, some people thrive on stress, or at least claim that they do, but I do believe that even they need a break from the stress from time to time. A chance to re-charge their batteries, if you will. I think that is something everyone needs, whether they realize it or not.

A surprising amount of things can be accomplished when you are relaxing. Life will start flowing at a different pace, yet you still find after a while that you manage to do all the things you want to do anyway. Perhaps the important thing is that they are things you want to do, rather than things you 'have' or 'need' to do? It's food for thought. You are welcome.

If you are relaxed and comfortable, things start to work out better, I find. You don't get stressed as easily or as much, and things that previously might have felt tedious to do can some times even become enjoyable. Almost meditative. It depends on what it is of course, and what ends up feeling enjoyable or not is very much down to the invidual and the mindset of that individual.

But it is not all about what might feel better to do when you are feeling relaxed. It is also really important to remember to take the time to rest. Rest opens up the gate to being relaxed and calm, and can even help creativity I find. My creative mind does not thrive on stress. I guess that doesn't necessarily go for all though - after all, some work better under pressure. But a relaxed mind in a restful state is wonderful at suddenly solving that problem you had been trying to solve for so many hours earlier today, or suddenly remembering that important thing that had gotten lost amongst all the other things that occupied your mind in the stress of everyday life.

See you all on the other side!

Another job introduction day

Greetings from the other side.

A short blog post from me today.

Today I had another introduction day to my new job. It went pretty well, just a lot to take in in the beginning. I got my job phone and the keys I need, and next week I am meeting with the one who had the job before me to have a talk, some introduction, and get some advice from them as well.

I admit there is some nervousness ahead of my officially starting the job on Monday. I guess it is extra nervous since it has been some time since I last had a job like this. I am trying not to stress over it too much, but I am not always successful. I guess that is part of the problem with being sensitive to stress. Something I have had to deal with for many years now, since my years of depression and anxiety issues. It sort of lingers on as an unwelcome remnant from that time. Luckily for me though, I have good people around me, including my gf, who help keep me calm. Not that I would break down or anything if they didn't, but it is nice to have people around who actually know more about the job than I do and can help answer questions, etc.

I am going to get my first tastes of my new job tomorrow and on Sunday, but from the sound of it it will be a fairly slow start, or at least the one tomorrow will be, which I am happy about. After that I will learn and grow with the job as I go along. Luckily everyone seems eager to help and to answer any questions I might have, which I am really thankful to them for.

My knee is doing a little better today, though I notice that it can still act up after a couple of hours if I don't rest it. Hopefully it will get fully better soon.

See you all on the other side!

Windy days, lessons learned, knee & internet issues, and a bit more world-building thoughts.

Greetings from the other side.

Hello from a very wind-swept island somewhere in Finland. We went to run some errands today, and the windspeed indicator indicated winds of 21 meters / second. I can believe that. It's been blowing quite vigorously yesterday and today. A shame as I had been hoping to get some more work done outdoors. Ah well, as I pointed out in my last post there's no point in stressing over things when you have plenty of time to do it in and there's no need to rush it anyway. :)

My right knee started acting up again today, having been well for a couple of days. I doubt it is an injury as there is no pain. It just feels swollen and starts feeling a bit stiff after a while of use. It got better once, so hopefully it will get better soon again. Best I can do is try and rest it, and my gf, who is a zone therapist, will probably try and help as well with some treatment. It worked wonders a couple of days ago, so hopefully it will do the same now.

I also learned an important lesson while driving today. Just because the entry-way into a roundabout is wide enough for two or more lanes, doesn't mean that the roundabout itself has more than one lane. In fact, from what I am told, there are no roundabouts, in this area at least, that has more than one lane. Silly me from Sweden who thought that when the entryway is that wide it must mean that it is just like home that the roundabout usually has two lanes. Nope. Not the case. Something to keep in mind if you are thinking of coming here from Sweden and do some driving around. I managed to get into the roundabout anyway, eventually. Appologies to any finnish drivers who might have been wondering what that crazy swede was up to! :)

New internet is still causing issues. Best advice we got at the store when we talked to them about it was to try and connect a cable between the router and the laptop. It hasn't worked wonders really. Yesterday evening the internet was on and off. The slowest speed I tested vs Bredbandskollen.se was about 0,25Mb/s down and 0,24Mb/s down. On a 100Mb/s connection. Fastest I think was in the region of about 20Mb/s both ways. Connection speed is a bit iffy it seems. Hopefully it will get better. I can't deny I'd like to get a broadband cable into the house, but doing that is kind of expensive and something that will need to be postponed for later. It will happen at some point though.

Did some more writing on the world-building yesterday. Not much, but a little at least. I would love to get working on making maps, mainly as a visual aid for myself. I find that it can be really helpful to see the things you have envisioned in writing come to life on a map. Sadly, I am not very good at drawing maps, but I suppose practise makes perfect. I do have a program or two to help me with it, I just need to find the time to actually sit down and figure the programs out and actually draw the maps. So far, most days have been booked with something, and when a day hasn't been booked I have found something else that needs to be done. :) lol I do need to get started on it though, so I will try to work on it this week. At least the 'learning how the programs work' bit.

On top of the fairly gigantic world I am already working on, ideas for a second world has already started poping into my head. The first one is, I guess, more fantasy oriented, with the second one being more steampunk-ish in nature. I need to write down my ideas for it and see where that takes me. One thing I DO know, however, is that I won't make the second world nearly as large as the first one is turning out to be. I alreay have enough material and ideas for about 3 or 4 continents in that world, and probably plenty more to come. If I would hazard a guess, the steampunk "world" will probably be limited, at least initially, to just one or two continents or areas. I might expand that further later on, but until I am done with the fantasy world I think that will do.

See you all on the other side!

A slice of life on the other side

Greetings from the other side.

This is my second attempt at writing this blog post after the first one mysteriously disappeared somewhere into the ether. I blame my computer, though I am guessing the real answer lies somewhere between that and me still learning how this whole blogging thing works. Oh well, let's try this again! :)

Yesterday I took it upon myself to do some yard work around the house. A lot of that time was spent cutting down and uprooting rowans, which grow in abundance here. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against rowans, but they are so plentiful, especially the saplings, that I kinda need to keep their numbers in check a bit. After a few hours of work I have only gone through about 1/5 of the area I was planning to go through. There is really no rush though, as I have the rest of summer and autumn in which to do it in, so there's no use stressing about it. :)

Stress is one of those things that I take seriously. Having suffered from stress-related issues before, I have learned the importance of trying not to stress too much, especially over things you have little or no control over. I am only human however, so that doesn't always work according to plan, but what is important is that I try to affect the amount of stress when I can at least.

I have found that working outside, in this beautiful part of Finland, being surrounded by natural surroundings, is very calming and peaceful, and gives a sense of serenity in the midst of the, sometimes, hard work. It can sometimes almost be a meditative experience of sorts. Working outside in the sun yesterday for a few hours, really did wonders, and it was such a nice feeling of accomplishment afterwards. Not the kind you get after coming home after a full day's work, but something that comes out of knowing that what I do improves things around the homestead, for my gf and I. That is a very nice feeling. I find that, in general, working outside is preferable to working inside. You feel much closer to the world somehow, and you get to be out in the fresh air. Of course, it is one thing to say that now, in the midst of summer, and quite another one when winter comes. But in general I quite enjoy being outside.

Speaking of being outside, I have found myself realizing just how similar it is here compared to back home in Sweden. The natural scenery looks the same, and it is only really when you look at the prices of things, or see signs in finnish or hear someone speaking finnish that you realize that you have crossed the border. It is ok though. I like finnish, even though I don't speak it. I guess it comes from my love of languages in general. I also really like the dialect of the swedish-speaking population here. To some degree I think it brings out more of my own dialect from back home as well. :)

See you all on the other side!