My first Father's Day - a day to remember

Greetings from the other side.

Yesterday I got to celebrate my first ever father's day. Coincidentally, it was also my father-in-law's 50th father's day. I figured out that when, or perhaps "if", I get to celebrate my 50th father's day, I will be close to 90 years old when that day comes. I have had my first child later than he had his though.

To celebrate your first father's day is surely something very special, and something you will always remember. However, yesterday will stay in my memory not just because of what day it was, but also because of how it turned out.

The day started with me waking up to the lovely, and very excited, sounds from my wife in the living room as she was talking to the baby. It turns out that our little, soon to be 4 months old, girl had managed to roll over on to her stomach, on her own, for the very first time. What better father's day gift can a dad really get? :) So the day started off really well, with everyone in a happy mood.

At lunch-time we went over to my in-laws, where we met up with my wife's brother and his family, for father's day lunch. Everyone was in a merry mood, and my daughter was lying on the floor in her babygym (it has a built in mat for her to lie on), making happy sounds and talking away at the things dangling above her head. Not long after lunch was done, it was time for her to take an afternoon nap. Everything went well, and she soon fell asleep.

Fast forward not even an hour and she wakes up screaming and inconsolable. For the next 1-2 hours (my conception of time during this is a bit blurry) she screamed and acted like her stomach was aching. I should also point out that she hadn't, at this point, had a poop for about a week. I have heard that this is normal for babies, but before this time she had generally pooped every day, so this was completely new to us. Anyway, my wife - who is suffering from postpartum depression, anxiety, etc (more information about that in this post) - was incredibly distraught by the whole thing, but she did her best to keep herself together for our daughter's sake. Luckily there were others there to help as well, including her mother and sister, both of whom we owe a great debt of gratitude for being there for us yesterday. After a while, when nothing we did seemed to help, my wife called the hospital, and they told us that if it didn't get better we should come in and they'll take a look at her. Not long after, we were in a scramble to get the car ready, baby dressed and into the car, etc. Then we raced off to the hospital. My wife's sister came along, which was a good comfort for my wife.

Luckily, while we were in the car, the little one stopped screaming and seemed fairly content. This continued while we were at the hospital, and she hasn't started screaming like that again since either. At the hospital they weren't really able to find any issues with her, nor any cause of why she had been screaming her lungs out like she was. They told us that it is normal for babies to go 2 weeks without pooping as well. We swung by the pharmacy on the way back home and picked up something for the baby, in case she ever has stomach issues again.

Seeing your baby cry like that really cuts like a knife in your heart, and it was especially difficult for my wife given how she is feeling. She did good though, and I am very proud of her for keeping it together as she did despite all the stress it caused her. For my wife and I, as I imagine it would be for any parent, it was very difficult to hear our child scream like that, and feeling helpless to do anything about it when nothing seems to work. It just tears at something deep inside you.

Coming home from the hospital, it was a mixed sense of relief that it seemed to be over, and a fear that it would happen again. Luckily it hasn't. She seems to be doing ok now, which is a huge relief for us. My wife and I are left a bit shaken, but happy that she is ok.

See you all on the other side!

The ups and downs of life with a baby

Greetings from the other side.

Time passes very quickly these days. When our daughter was first born, and for the first few days thereafter, it seemed like every day was a week long and I lost track of time more times than I care to count. After that, however, time appears to have sped up again. Now it is just flying by, almost to the point where you can sort of say - if comparing to how it felt when she had first arrived - that every week is about a day long. That is a bit of an exaggeration, of course, but it does point to the fact that time seems to go by so quickly now. She is already 3-months-and-a-bit old, yet I have no idea where that time went!

She is healthy, and growing, which warms my fatherly heart to see. When she first arrived, she lost weight for a while, and we had to stay at the hospital where she was born a few days extra until they saw that she was putting on weight again. She is the first child for both my wife and for myself. While my wife had done the smart thing and read up on a lot of stuff beforehand - though in retrospect, all babies are different, and so not all that information has been as useful as we would have liked all the time - I never really did that. Then suddenly one day I had a newborn baby to take care of. Luckily the people at the hospital were very kind to show me the ropes on how to change diapers, etc.

As I have written about before, my wife had a difficult birthing experience, and she lost a lot of blood and had to be taken to surgery for stitches. She got to hold our daughter for a little while after she was born, but after that we didn't see her again for roughly 6 hours. Something which was very traumatic for her. After giving birth she has also suffered from postpartum depression, which, coupled with her past history of twice suffering from stress-related burnouts (utmattningssyndrom in Swedish), which she is also having symptoms of again, and being a highly sensitive person (HSP) has meant that she has not been able to enjoy motherhood as much as she would like.

At this point, I will point out that my wife has given me her full blessing to write about this, as she herself isn't trying to keep it a secret and has been very open about it.

I should also point out that she does love the baby and has bonded with her well, and she does do her best to look after her. She harbors fears that she isn't a good mother, or won't be able to take care of her daughter like she wants to if she falls deeper into the depression and exhaustion. Which, of course, is a vicious circle. She doesn't have the energy levels she should have, nor the resilience to sounds when the baby screams - which makes her stress-levels shoot through the roof. She has better days, and worse days, of course, regarding her energy levels and her depression issues. She always does her best though, and I am always doing my best to help as much as I can.

As a husband, it hurts seeing the woman you love go through these issues. You want to help, but you also know that there isn't much you can do other than to try to alleviate the stress by helping out as much as you can, and being there for her. I, myself, suffered from depression and anxiety issues for 13 years before crawling my way out of that particular issue, so I know a bit about what she is going through, even though I think each experience is unique in some ways. I wish she could get more help with her problems. It took a little over 2 months after our baby girl was born before she got to see a psychologist. She has another meeting with the psychologist planned. Though I admit she doesn't feel that it gives her much help, and she would prefer to get help in the form of cognitive therapy.

Luckily, our daughter has been good about sleeping at night - only waking up a couple of times and then sleeping 3-5 hours in-between waking up. This is especially good since my wife is a very light sleeper, and usually takes a long time falling asleep.

We've been blessed, and fortunate, to have her parents living close to us. They've been really good at helping out, which has been a real help for us. It has helped my alleviate some of the stress and burden from my wife, which has been invaluable. We can not thank them enough for all they do, even if it is just allowing our daughter to sleep in her stroller/pram at their house so my wife can rest for a bit.

Yesterday, we got our first snow of the winter here. There is now a thin blanket of snow on the ground - at least in large patches, as some of it has melted away already.

I am, as I said, doing my best to support my wife and take care of the baby, while also looking for a new job. Though part of me thinks that it might be a blessing in disguise that I haven't found a new job yet as it has allowed me to be home and help my wife now that she is going through these things. To be honest there is no place I would rather be at this point in time. I get to support my wife when she needs me the most, and I get to spend time with my daughter on a daily basis, and watch her grow and learn new things.

I think that will be enough from me for now. I hope you are all doing well out there, and remember to take care of each other! :)

See you all on the other side!

A very mixed bag

Greetings from the other side.

Another couple of weeks have passed (give or take) since my last entry on this blog. It has been a time of ups and downs, I must say. On the whole though, I don't have much to complain about.

Granted, I say that even though yesterday my father-in-law had to put his best friend, and long-time partner, Bamse to rest. I am of course talking about his dog here. That kind of puts a sour note on everyone's day. We all miss him. :(

A couple of weeks back, we also had a day where things just seemed to go wrong for us. It started when my fiancee was in the kitchen as an oven form suddenly exploded right next to her. There were big pieces flying everywhere and it kinda felt like a miracle that she wasn't hit by anything. The reason it had exploded was that she had accidentally put it down on a hot plate on the stove. There was nothing in the form yet, but she was planning on using it for cooking something in the oven. Anyway, she was visibly shocked by what had just happened, but I was just relieved that she hadn't gotten hurt.

The second thing that happened on that day was that the hose that leads away the water from the washing machine came loose and we had sudden flooding on the bathroom floor. After that we had to keep watch over the hose, and sure enough it came loose one more time before the machine was finished.

Now, please don't think that it has been all bad. There have been good things happening as well!

For example we've had a planning meeting with my future brother- and sister-in-laws and their spouses (unfortunately one was away on a trip and couldn't make it). Feels like we got a lot done, which was good. There's a lot that goes into planning a wedding, even though we are trying to keep it relatively simple and we are going for a more rustic theme. I am sure it will be good once it is all done. :)

We have also collected the addresses to everyone we want to invite. Again, we are going to keep it relatively simple, so we are not aiming for a huge thing here. But we should probably end up somewhere around the 60 people mark when all is said and done. The invitations should be sent out in the not too distant future.

Two weekends ago we went to visit some friends of my fiancee. It was the first time she had seen them in a while, so she was really looking forward to it. It was nice to meet some more of her friends, and as always it turned out to be really good people. :)

I have to say, I've been sick since last week. The fever is gone, but I still have a bit of a throat problem and a runny nose. My head hasn't completely cleared up either, which is a shame. I hope it will get better soon though, as we are getting visitors from Sweden this weekend. :) I am really looking forward to that!

That's one of the things I guess I miss most being over here, my friends and family back in Sweden. I know they technically aren't that far away - only a 4½ hour boat-ride - but still. Anyway, it will be good to meet a couple of them again. :)

I think I am going to go lie down for a bit before lunch.

See you all on the other side!

A short update

Greetings from the other side.

This will have to be a shorter post unfortunatelly.

Yesterday was a good day. We had friends and family over for coffee to celebrate my girlfriend and I getting engaged. A good time was had by all in my humble opinion. Sadly my family or friends from Sweden were unable to attend, but as I think I mentioned in my previous post, we will celebrate with them as and when they are able to come over for a visit. We already have my parents coming here at the end of this month, which we are excited about.

In less exciting news my knee is still not well, so I have been to see a doctor about it and I am now officially on sick-leave until Sunday. I am under instruction to take it easy and rest my knee as much as possible. I hope it will be better by Sunday, so I can go back to work again. Feels strange sitting home when I know there are things that need to get done. I am trying not to to think about it though, and not to let it get to me. There is no point in me stressing over it, as I can't really do much about it anyway.

I can't wait until my knee is well again. Not just because of work, but also just simple things like being able to help out in every day life. Things you normally take for granted that you are able to do suddenly aren't so simple anymore. Luckily it is something that can get better again.

That's it for me for today, I think.

See you all on the other side!

Energy levels & Thoughts

Greetings from the other side.

I finally seem to have my energy back again. It has been very strange how my energy-levels have been coming and going in the last couple of weeks. Hopefully it is back to stay now, as it has been affecting me quite a lot. I have soldiered on as best I have been able to, but admittedly some times I have been working at half-speed because of it. :-/ I have been able to do my job and do the tasks I am required to do, but I would have much rather been doing it with my normal energy rather than feeling like I'd rather go lie down and rest. Keeping my fingers crossed that my energy-levels have stabilized now.

Going through a period of time like that makes you realize how important it is to be able to feel like you have the energy to do things. Not tired like you haven't been sleeping even though you have been making sure that you get the required amount of sleep. It's a weird thing because no matter how much you sleep you still feel like you haven't been sleeping much at all. I wasn't showing any other symptoms either, like fever or anything like that which might have helped explain the sudden lack of energy.

Besides that though, I have been doing alright. Things are going well at work and I am still feeling like I am growing with the job. I have had a chance to meet a lot of wonderful people, and it is always a pleasure talking to them. Today I was helping out at a meet-up for people above the age of 60, and I really enjoyed it. They were really friendly and it was a joy helping out.

Only cloud on my work-related 'sky' is that, starting on Monday, my job goes down from 100% to 60%. I will probably be able to fill out the rest by working extra in other places, etc, however. So my girlfriend and I should be able to manage.

I am hoping that my energy-levels will remain at their normal level from now on.

See you all on the other side!

Another 'Moving' Story

Greetings from the other side.

Today has been a busy day here at the house. We have been moving floors to live in the downstairs 'apartment' instead of just upstairs. We are not done with the moving yet, but most of the big stuff has been carried to where it needs to go at least. There's still work to be done getting everything in order though, so still some time before we are done. It feels good to finally be able to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel though. We will still be utilizing the upstairs apartment however, and it will also serve as a place for guests to stay when I have people visiting from Sweden. :)

Been very tired after this past work-week, and my body has been aching a bit in the last couple of days. Especially my back has felt a bit sore. So I was a bit hesitant about carrying all the heavy furniture today. It went by without a hitch though, but tomorrow will definitely be a day or rest for me. We had some glutenfree pizza for dinner, together with my girlfriend's parents, after we were done to celebrate. I can assure you all it was delicious! :)

My weight keeps going down, which is good. So far I have lost about a kilo every week, and two kilos this past week. I am also noticing that I feel lighter, which is good. :) I am putting it down to my girlfriend's healthy cooking, and the physical nature of my work which has me working outside all day.

This will have to conclude my post for today, as I am very tired.

See you all on the other side!

One day at a time

Greetings from the other side.

In my last post I mentioned that I wasn't feeling too well. That is still the case, unfortunatelly. I hope that some rest will do me good this weekend, even though I work this Sunday.

It isn't really affecting my work that much yet. Only discernable issue is that everything I do seem to take a longer time than it normally would, and I get tired a lot quicker. It isn't ideal, but at least it isn't keeping me from doing my job. I've only been working there about 4 weeks, so I don't really want to come down with a fever, or something, now that would keep me home.

Outside of my work, the thing that annoys me the most about this tiredness is that it is also having an effect on my creativity, which has been almost zero this week. After I get home from work my mind is just too tired to be creative, or at least that is what it feels like. I might try and do a bit of writing today, just to see how it goes, but judging by the way I feel I don't have high hopes for it.

Even coming up with things to write about on the blogs is difficult right now, but I am trying to push through it. Might have to be a few shorter posts until I feel better, we shall see.

It is kind of strange, ever since I moved here from Sweden I seem to have been suffering from one thing or another. First it was my knee, then I got an eye infection, then my current issues. I will persevere though. Hopefully I will be all better soon. :)

Now to try and write something for my other blog.

See you all on the other side!

Less than 100%

Greetings from the other side.

Not sure what is up with me today. My head is feeling heavy and clouded, my body feels heavy as well, and it feels like I haven't slept in days. I don't have a fever however, nor do I feel like I am coming down with one. I have been feeling like this all day today.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I have a lot of stuff to do at work this week, so hopefully I can stay healthy and get my head back in order again soon. I am trying not to get stressed about it though. I know that stressing won't help in the slightest, and it would probably only succeed in making things worse, which would probably make me stress even more, etc etc.

I'm even having a hard time being creative and writing stuff or working on maps today. Which is a shame because I love doing that stuff. It gives me a "vent" of sorts, to focus on doing something I love doing. It's a good way to relax for me, doing things like writing about creative stuff such as the world-building, making maps for the world-building, playing tabletop roleplaying games, reading about historical stuff, etc etc. I have already written a post about how doing things you love is good for you so I won't go into any more details about it here.

I have a hard time focusing my thoughts right now, so I will end this post here.

See you all on the other side!

A busy weekend

Greetings from the other side.

Today's post will be a short one. Will probably try and update with another post tomorrow, but today I am just exhausted. Have had some kind of stomach bug or something for most of the day, which hasn't helped matters either.

Yesterday I went with my gf to my very first wedding in Finland. It was one of her classmates from university who was getting married, and as with all weddings it was a very nice experience. I haven't been too very many weddings back home in Sweden, so it had been a few years since last time. It was nice meeting more of my girlfriend's friends, and getting introduced to them. They had only heard a bit about me, and the bride even refered to me as "the mystery man" (yes, she even used the phrase in english). Met and talked to some very nice people, and am hoping to meet some of them again some day.

There were only two downsides to the day. One was the 1½ - 2 hr drive to get there, and then the same going home again. We got home at about 1:30am. Which normally isn't that late for me, being a "night owl" and all. Though it's been a busy week at work, so I guess I was a bit extra tired. We got home alright though, and I had my gf there to help keep me awake on the at times very monotonous drive home - on straight roads with trees on either side of it for large parts.

The second one was the weather. It was REALLY windy all day, bordering on full on storm at the very least, and a bit of rain. Luckily the happy couple took it in their stride and that was the most important thing. :)

There's a cloudy sky outside today as well, but we do see some blue skies at least. Luckily there is no wind to speak off.

See you all on the other side!